"Don't quit on a bad day..."

"SUCCESS STORY

Disclaimer: Long post ahead

We had our third daughter on leap day this year. I had breastfed my other two children for about a year each with relatively little issue…I had mastitis twice with #1, thrush with #2, but nothing too crazy. I felt breastfeeding would be easy with #3 since I’ve done it twice already- in other words, I felt really prepared.

PROBLEMS WITH WEIGHT GAIN AND TRANSFER

When baby was about 10 days old, we took her to pediatrician to weigh her and she had lost weight and wasn’t really close to birth weight. We were advised to come in two days later and again, she had lost weight even from the last visit. I was told I needed to meet with a LC to observe a feeding and she took a total of 1.5 oz in 25 minutes. 

The hospital LC also noticed her shallow latch (even though her lips looked good) and NOTHING I was doing could keep her awake. I was told to bottle feed her either formula or pumped milk and I remember leaving the appointment feeling discouraged. I distinctly asked “If my baby takes a bottle at this age, is there a good chance she would eventually get back to nursing?” Her response: “Not that I’ve seen.”

We followed up with our pediatrician again a few days later and I let her know about the potential tongue tie the LC spotted, but our pediatrician didn’t seemed concern about fixing it and said that a revision “probably” wouldn’t help. I had the opportunity to fix this issue at 2 weeks, but cancelled our appointment because I felt it was unnecessary per our pediatrician’s guidance. I know she meant well when she said it, but she had essentially said “Your baby has a laid back temperament, is a lazy nurser, and you’ve tried really hard, but formula is just as good”. (Note: We did end up using formula and I have nothing against it. I personally didn’t want to quit so soon)

TRIPLE FEEDING

I wasn’t satisfied with what we were being told because we were still having issues nursing so we met with an IBCLC outside of the hospital for a weighted feed and she noticed the same issues. At this point, we were advised to do “triple feeding” because she wasn’t gaining well and for those who aren’t familiar…it’s literally 3x the work. Our triple feeding consisted of 30 minutes of nursing, 15 min of feeding an extra 2 oz via bottle, then 15 minutes of pumping to maintain my supply. I did this EVERY 3 HOURS. I literally had no life except feeding this baby…all the while, my older two daughters needed me. I was getting no sleep, my nipples hurt, I couldn’t go anywhere because I felt stuck to this machine….I was, in short, SURVIVING.

At this point we went to see another IBCLC and again did a weighted feeding. At 3 weeks old, she took about 40 minutes to transfer 1.75 oz. My supply had tanked because baby wasn’t transferring so she suggested I power pumped to build it back up. I spent 3 days pumping around 10-12 times a day…I literally did nothing but pump for 3 days and I felt miserable, on the brink of PPD. This IBCLC also noticed a potential tongue tie as well so I started researching like crazy and ended up finding the Tongue Tie Support group on Facebook.

REVISION AND SHORT TERM GOALS

After spending a significant amount of time reading old posts on the support group, I had decided we needed to do a revision. We had the revision done when baby was 5.5 weeks old and I had truly expected things to go much better after that time, but they still didn’t. Her latch still hurt and she still wasn’t transferring well. I was convinced that with her tongue unrestricted, she would stay awake during nursing because she didn’t have to exert so much energy to draw milk out. NOPE. During this time, I was only nursing once a day because that’s all I could tolerate in regards to pain and I remember thinking that I needed her to still remember what nursing was.

I was still pumping and we were still bottle feeding (using paced feeding and cold breastmilk to help her differentiate between mom and bottle). I remember wanting to quit EVERY SINGLE DAY, but I told myself “don’t quit on a bad day” and believe me, there were a lot of bad days between all the exhaustion, hormones, mom guilt, hubby out of town, etc.

I remember making short-term goals because that was the only way I could persevere- I told myself “I can make it until 6 weeks of this because babies normally have a growth spurt around 6 weeks”. Still no major changes in nursing at 6 weeks (it still hurt and caused vasospasms and baby was still falling asleep)

I purposely made appointments with an Osteopath for CST and IBCLCs just so I had something to look forward to as my goal. After talking to another mom who had very similar issues, she mentioned that “most” babies will nurse by 3 months if you can keep pumping and manage your supply. Through her advice, 3 months became my new goal.

PUMPING GOT EASIER…ERRR…MORE TOLERABLE

Pumping was my new reality and I really had to make the best of it, so over the course of 3 months I had done a lot of things to make it more efficient including:

1. Refrigerating pump parts each time and therefore only washing once a day.

2. Using a hands-free pumping bra so I could work on the computer and pump. 

3. Rented a hospital grade pump so it wasn’t as loud and I could talk to clients on the phone while pumping. (Side note: For me personally, the hospital grade pump didn’t draw out more milk or draw it out more quickly, but it was a LOT quieter)

4. Learned to pump while driving- This consisted of loading my car up with pump parts, cooler, pumping bra, and hooter hider.

5. Eventually, I was pumping while simultaneously bottle feeding which made feedings only 20 minutes long (as opposed to 1 hour when I was triple feeding). I would situate the rock n’ play next to my pump, then set up, then pick up baby and fed her awkwardly while avoiding all the tubing and bottle/flanges.

As much as I hated it and still preferred to nurse, we were in a good rhythm. I was producing about 35 oz/day and she was eating between 20-24 oz a day so all that surplus eventually led me to a freezer stash of around 600 oz. I felt ok about quitting at 3 months because I knew that I would have enough frozen milk to give her some breastmilk until she was at least 6 months old. Plus, I feel I had tried every single thing by that point.

THE 3 MONTH MARK

We were inching in on 3 months and I had told myself that I would switch over from pumping/bottle feeding to nursing cold turkey. When I set out to quit pumping at 3 months, I was dead set on it and so the day couldn’t have arrived sooner.

It’s amazing how one nursing session that goes really well can encourage you, while one not-so-amazing nursing session can crush you.

It was on a Sunday and I just went for it…stopped pumping. At first, she was eating well because I was so fully engorged, but as my supply dwindled down, she stopped trying as hard. There were SEVERAL times where I thought I might go back to pumping to try to build up my supply again, but I had to talk myself out of going down that vicious cycle.

It was about 8 days into quitting where my supply had reached the lowest it had ever gotten. We were alternating between nursing and formula feeding. I could feel myself weaning and though it was sad, I was ready to be done with torturing myself. Then at some point over the next few days…something changed.

She started to nurse better and I think it helped that when she woke up in the middle of the night, I nursed her simply because it was easier than making a bottle. Even among nursing, there were still several instances where I would have to squeeze milk in her mouth to get her to actively eat, but she was transferring enough. We slowly started to use less formula while she simultaneously started to nurse better. I also noticed that when she was “nursing” in her sleep, her chin looked like it was suckling correctly vs. the chomping method she had for the first 2 months of life which caused me so much pain!

I was so excited, but I knew we weren’t out of the woods yet. I still hung onto the baby scale and mostly nursed her at home so I could monitor her intake.

She will be 4 months at the end of the month and for the last 12 days she has exclusively nursed…as in no bottles. I’ve even started to venture out and nurse her in public knowing that she is transferring and eating well which has brought me a great sense of freedom.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

1. I think the tongue revision helped, however, I think age made the biggest difference for my “lazy nurser”.

2. I learned more about breastfeeding than I ever did with my other two combined including vasospasms, paced feeding, symptoms of tongue tie/lip tie.

3. The online support groups via Facebook are the reason I made it this far. Ask for help if you need it- I did!

4. I’ve never worked harder for anything in my life, but now that we’re on the other side…the reward is so sweet.

5. I seriously often doubted if my baby would nurse and it was hard for me seeing other moms with easy nursing relationships- I struggled a lot with this, but I want to encourage other moms who are going through this stage currently….I see you, I get it, and if you have it in you, press on!

6. My nursing relationship with this baby still consists of me having to squeeze milk in her mouth to encourage her to eat, but at least I’m not pumping.

7. Us moms are trying our hardest so don’t beat yourself up if you can’t get your baby to nurse. We were fortunate enough that we had the money to spend $700 on the revision procedure, but I know that for some people, that’s not a possibility. 

Thank you for reading and for your support, I hope this encourages someone out there!"

~ Cam Vacek