We began our story with misinformation, pain, and a lot of frustration. From the very beginning I knew something wasn't right, but I was reassured that things would get better. Some truly had the best intentions for our breastfeeding success, but it wasn't enough.
I've gone through the stages of grief and have finally come to terms with that most of the problems we encountered stem from lack of provider education. You don't know what you don't know. When I sought advice within my immediate medical community, I was given an array of answers as to the root cause of our disfunctional breastfeeding. Within the past five and a half months I've been told: she'll outgrow it and things will get better. She has a small mouth. I'm not spacing her feeds out long enough. I'm allowing her to use me as a pacifier. I hold her too much/coddle her. She's tight. Things will get better at day 2, week 2, week 6, month 2, month 3 and then month 4. She's 5 months, just start her on solids. She is gaining weight just fine. Pump more. Bottle feed. Allow her to skip a meal and she'll figure out the bottle. Give her a pacifier. Use a Haberman nipple bottle so she can gum on that instead of the breast. Give her rice cereal. If 100 kids were lined up, 50 of them would have a lip tie and her's isn't that severe to be causing a breastfeeding issue. Why are you still breastfeeding? You know you can stop breastfeeding, right? This isn't the worst case I've seen. Why don't you want to use formula, there's nothing wrong with it. She has a lip tie, but not a tongue tie. What's a posterior tongue tie? Who told you she has that? Let me clarify, what medical professional told you that she has that? I took an oath to do no harm and cutting her lip tie would cause her harm and only benefit you. There isn't enough proof that correcting her lip will improve breastfeeding. [Insert awkward chuckle] - I have no personal experience with breastfeeding (male provider). Her lip tie can be corrected with a snip of a scissors, but under general anesthesia because I've only done 4-5 of them because I was bullied by Lactation consultants at my last base. She has a large lung capacity that creates a lot of negative pressure, which is why you're having so much pain. You're almost done breastfeeding anyway. She senses your anxiety at the breast and that's why she's so tense. Is there really blood in her stool? Show provider a photo of the poop - Wow, that's a lot of blood! I'm not well versed on ties. Only offer one breast per day and put zinc ointment on the other (pump and dump that side) - then switch the next day. But she seems like such a happy baby. If she were younger I would've corrected the tie, but she's too old now. Why do you force yourself to breastfeed? I can't believe you're allowing her to damage your breasts. I would never allow her to do that. I would've stopped a long time ago. Are you really going to keep going? How long are you going to put up with it? Put warm compress on your breasts. Use cold cabbage leaves. Eat this, avoid that. You should've roughed up your nipples while you were pregnant. You're clearly exhausted and it's having a negative effect on your energy and ability to bond. If you keep this up you're going to get depressed. You're going to feed her again? She just ate. If you have the lip snipped now, she'll still need a revision when she's older. Only allow her to eat for ___ minutes. Try this position, try that position. You have soft nipples. Exfoliate your nipples. Compress and massage your breasts. Pain is normal. Kids are hard work, that's why I don't have any. You're still having problems breastfeeding?
I know I missed a few comments, but in general it's been an uphill and infuriating battle. Everyday I choose to breastfeed my daughter. It is a conscience choice that has unfortunately required a lot of mental and emotional sacrifice. Physical pain is also real, but can be categorized and explained. The impact of a traumatic breastfeeding experience is hard to define and I think even harder for some to empathize.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure it out... And once I felt like I found the answer I held onto my motherly instincts and kept seeking out a provider who would listen and look. During my research I found Dr. Ghaheri. He's an ENT who's devoted to breastfeeding medicine. I sent him our story and photos of Avery. He reassured me that she did have ties and that he would open a spot for her if I could get her to Portland. We were on the next flight... The naysayers in my local community were confused and shocked as to why I would go to such great distance, expense, and inconvenience to get the procedure. I squashed any looming self-doubt and packed our bag and kissed my boys goodbye. We landed on Thursday and we met with Dr. G. On Friday at 8 am. We met with him and 3 other medical professionals who were shadowing. They asked to hear our battle story. It was therapeutic... a purge of doubt and immense frustration. Then they carried her to the procedure room and I could hear her cry.... The procedure took less than 5 minutes and she was returned to me - we were given 15 minutes to nurse. She needed to calm down, but latched within two minutes and I almost fell out of my chair. Tug, tug, tug... this is what nursing should feel like? I could barely comprehend it. She nursed for about 10 minutes and then fell asleep. Dr. G. and his colleagues came in to see how things were going... I couldn't have been happier to know that even with a projected honeymoon phase, this was it... Our nightmare of a breastfeeding story had climaxed. Not only would we would get through this, we would be successful. We thanked him with a bag of various goodies from Japan and headed out the door. I've never walked lighter... Later in the day we met up with Melissa Cole, IBCLC, RLC. She was so patient and reassuring. She showed us her version of stretches, which are tailored to an older baby... making things fun and playful. She offered support and guidance on how to manage my breast pain. She was icing on the tongue/lip tie release cake. We left and I felt confident in my ability to continue our breastfeeding journey... By the time we got back to our place, I was as light as a feather - doubts, worries, and negative self-talk were gone. I released the pain and we fell into deep sleep together.
Less than 48 hours post release she made maintained meaningful eye contact for the very first time while breastfeeding. I waited 172 days for that moment and my heart exploded. I'm not a new mom, but in that moment there was a rebirth - now I get to enjoy being a mom.
~ Jennifer Jones
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